This is the title of my term paper:
With All Honesty, Everything You Already Knew from Someone That Wasn’t Afraid to Say It (Unless you’re Okay with Saying ‘It’. Especially if ‘it’ is that I’m Completely Wrong in General, in Which Case I Need to Find Another Ridiculously Long Title For this Essay or Rewrite One That Makes Logical Sense). Guys Are Dumb -By Someone Anonymous
This is my term paper:
Recently, I have found myself in a state of devastation to the sudden awareness of an enormous amount of knowledge that was always right in front of my face. I’d call it ‘teenage angst’ in light my age, but aside from the amount of years I’ve been present on this earth I’d have to say that it falls into a separate subject, taking into account that its only an issue for guys. Simply put, I’d have to say that it’s the process of me, ‘braking out of my shell’ and becoming a semiliterate person instead an illiterate person. I have firmly come to the brilliantly blatant realization that I’m not the only soul on this earth since, and I can’t help but look around me nowadays to think what life must be like for other people. Mind you I probably don’t imagine how everyone else sees the world on a completely accurate level, but on most occasions I can guess; and when I briefly observe the mind of the ever day guy I tend to come to one conclusion… There’s not a lot going on up there! Aside from this, there are a few exception to which don’t apply.
The male mind in general can be elucidated with the use of one word; and that word being, ‘oblivious’. But, because it may not be obvious what it’s oblivious too I’ll explain a little further (Also, there’s a joke in this sentence). When it comes down to the fine details, all that the male mind seems to think about (especially that of the adolescent one) is the opposite sex. Testosterone, the dominant hormone in the male body flows through our veins like a lubed, obese man at a water park; except with a little less flow. At times we guys may seem a little on edge or aggressive. And if you ask me, it’s all testosterone’s fault. Sometimes (or most of the time) when teenage boys go through their teens they may experience larger doses of testosterone than others, and as a result they will be in a state of euphoric satisfaction with the way they see the world around them until they are just about to hit their twenties after their hormone levels balance out. That’s my theory, and it’s coming from a first-hand experience bearing in mind that I’m a guy.
But I’m not trying to inform you of why we guys are so unaware of the world around us. I’m just telling you that to answer one simple question for your sake. I’ve asked this question for two reasons: the first reason being because I need to write this term paper so that I don’t fail ‘English 30’, and the second reason being because I’ve asked myself it once before and figured I’d relate to it the most. So here’s the truth. In the past, I have told many of the people around me that I cannot stand reading or writing… this has changed since. I’ve also been told by parents and teachers that many male teenagers are a rollercoaster of hormones flying past their heads in every direction… this hasn’t. So why do male adolescents tend to find literature such a pointless or uninteresting subject? Frankly, I’d have to say that it’s because we’re way too busy thinking about all the pretty girls around us to even care about reading or writing. In fact, in some cases I’ve even come across guys’ girlfriends’ dong their homework for them because they’ve been way too busy concentrating on their sexual desires for the past however so many years that they didn’t ever really take a minute to learn anything in class (and my hint to you is that he may or may not be graduating this year).
In the last year I have found myself ecstatic that I have all the knowledge I could ever want before my finger tips with the absolutely magical help of the ever so enlightening, twenty first century internet! When I want to know the meaning of a word I basically just look it up and several forms of onomatopoeia begin popping up beside my head such as “ding” and “dong” accompanied by floating light bulbs! Same thing goes with pretty much any other information I want to know. It comes in handy for me considering I’m slowly obliterating the element of stupidity from my cranium (although it’s still present to some extent). When looking for word meanings, all I need to do is go to Google and type, “define:” followed by the word I want the meaning of. In the past year I have brought my vocabulary to a highly acclaimed level; and by, ‘highly acclaimed’ I don’t so much mean that people take pride in it as much as I mean that I do. But don’t challenge me on that, as I may seem ‘challenged’ when put on the spot and there are probably a huge number of spelling errors within this essay to prove me wrong anyway. Overall, I’m just saying that I’ve found ways to break out of what I call ‘Cloudy Minded Testosterone Disorder’. Which isn’t a real disorder but I feel like being creative right now. And how did I manage to break away from the mentally isolating effects of this disorder you may ask? Well, I won’t tell you as I intend this essay to be appropriate for all ages. Also… don’t let your mind wander too far into the black abyss. But, as a result I’ve come to realize that I ‘love’ literature; and if I had never realized that I did, there would be a number of female friends that I have in my life today that wouldn’t be there. So just to let you know I’m still slightly victim to ‘Cloudy Minded Testosterone Disorder’. And as for my theory to why the stereotypical adolescent male doesn’t usually like reading or writing goes about as far as this: We’re in the process of developing and we can’t think about anything else but sexually related topics. Therefore our lives become dominated by hormones and we cease to get down to an emotional level the way girls do.
How do we fix this problem? We can’t. I know that ‘The Friesen’ probably recommended this topic as a possible term paper for us all so that someone would hopefully answer that question and he could then teach adolescent males more successfully. But, unfortunately the only way it can be fixed is for the male individual to suddenly take interest in literature the way Mr. Friesen has or wait until he has become a fully developed man at which point he’s at a hormonal consensus… and we can only hope that he’s not still in high school by that point. Therefore Mr. ‘F’ should just keep doing what he’s doing! Oh, and brain surgery may also be an option… or you could just give him heaps of books relating to sex.
In order to prove my point a little better I’m going to compare the male adolescent mind with that of the female adolescent mind. But let me just start by saying that they call chick-flicks, ‘chick flicks’ for a reason. A couple of days ago I was hanging out with a few of my friends when we all simultaneously found ourselves in a state of boredom. Finally, after a while we came to the conclusion that we wanted to watch a movie. However, the predicament before us was that many of the films at my friend’s house were over-watched. So in lieu of the films we had present before us I volunteered to bring my laptop over and let them all pick from my ripped collection. After I had ran home and grabbed my laptop I began going through the list, and considering that ‘A’ is the first letter in the English alphabet, to my luck the film, “A Walk to Remember” came shooting up before their eyes. I then found myself mocked by my peers for having it on my laptop. If this were a group of girls it may have even been the film of choice for the night. Not saying that I want to watch ‘A Walk to Remember’ with any of my friends but in our case the movie of choice was the ever so violent 2008 film with Angelina Jolie and James McAvoy, “Wanted”. And after about fifteen minutes of watching it they had completely forgotten about the incident that had occurred.
Of course you’re probably saying something along the lines of, “You’re using films as an example to prove why guys don’t like literature you idiot!” And yes I am. But, in my defense I will say that ‘A Walk to Remember’ was a film based off the 1999 romantic novel by Nicholas Sparks of the same name, and that that gives teenage guys all the more reason to turn it down and watch a film such as ‘Wanted’ that has no connection to any kind of book at all. Besides, I can only imagine how they would react if they were forced to read the book form of ‘A Walk to Remember’. So when it comes down to it, guys are simple creatures; especially the adolescent ones. We like lots of violence and sex (or sexual references) in our literature, and when it comes to emotions we usually don’t care much. That’s my theory and I may or may not be sticking to it. Prove me wrong! But, obviously what I’m saying is true and girls are by far more literate than guys. Otherwise this wouldn’t be a straight forward manifest question on the ‘Potential Term Paper Questions’ paper that Mr. F gave us in our ‘English 30’ booklet asking, “Why do male adolescents not like to read? How can this be fixed?” so don’t even try to tell me I’m wrong.
Anyways, I’m simple going to go through a brief scrutiny of the female mind so that we can recognize the two extremes. My sister, to which isn’t living with me anymore is quite the reader. To tell the truth, when she was living with me her room was metaphorically speaking: a library. She had every novel I’d never heard of in there! My sister constantly reads. A few weeks ago when a family issue came up, me and my siblings had to make a surprise trip to Ashcroft with her. Which I’m guessing from our location was about a twelve hour drive. During those twelve hours she not only read one book… but three books that I would have to estimate at about three hundred to four hundred pages long. That’s the amount of time it takes me to read a quarter of a two hundred page book! I can even say that there was no way she was faking because afterwards, she had time to give us all (me and the rest of my family) an hour long summary of each one against our will before arriving at our destination. On a side note I will confess that I spent the twelve hours listening to my iPod on and off and complaining because my brother (who was sitting beside me) was smelly. As for my smelly brother… he spent it sleeping on and off and looking out the window.
I think it’s about time to prove myself when I say that the internet can find virtually anything (pun intended). It’s time for me to show you some literature… so if you’re a guy you should probably stop reading now. But, if you’ve read this far and you’re a guy than what do you have to lose, right? I’m about to give you a link to a little essay called, “You Should Date an Illiterate Girl” by Charles Warnke. Here’s the link and I apologize as this reference isn’t exactly appropriate for all ages, “http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/dont-date-a-girl-who-reads/”. Essentially, this form of literature is a sarcastic piece telling guys out there why they should date an illiterate girl. Personally, my favorite quote from it is, “Die, but only after you observe that the girl who didn’t read, never made your heart oscillate with any significant passion”. To be straight forward, it’s the road that most adolescent males will follow… dating an illiterate girls because they’re illiterate, then dying and not having anything left to show for their life and not having anyone to assist them in making something to show for their life. It’s a road that can be rectified if one so chooses, but if that ‘one’ doesn’t then you have no choice but to recognize them as an incompetent individual and let them chart their course in life.
For those of you that may enjoy a little more reading, here’s another link to a website that will shed some more light on this subject, “http://www.ehhs.cmich.edu/~tcsrj/Parkhurst.pdf”. Some quotes in this that stuck out to me were, “On average, females were more engaged in reading than males”, “The purpose of this paper is to note that research indicates boys like to read humorous narrative” and a quote from a guy named William Brozo that says, “…today’s adolescent males are at risk of failing to develop the necessary skills for future academic and workplace success” from a book he wrote by the name of ‘To Be a Boy, to Be a Reader’. After that point I discontinued reading due to monotony and scrolled down to the bottom of the page to acknowledge the lovely bibliography that ‘Howard Pankhurst’ wrote. To be straightforward, this tells us that adolescent males are small minded and like humorous literature if any at all.
So there you have it ladies and gentlemen. The state of devastation to the sudden awareness of an enormous amount of knowledge that was always right in front of my face, put into a nutshell before you! Striking isn’t it? No? Well of course ‘no’. With all honesty, it’s everything you already knew from someone that wasn’t afraid to say it (Unless you’re okay with saying ‘it’. Especially if ‘it’ is that I’m completely wrong in general in which case I need to find another ridiculously long title for this essay or rewrite one that makes logical sense). Guys are dumb.